my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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