I didn't shave. On purpose
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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