Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
