Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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