new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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