My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
