WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
