I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
