I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
