i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
