My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
