We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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