Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
