I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
