office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
