proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
