I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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