i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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