Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
