GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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