this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
