he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
