i just wanna soil my oats bro
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
