You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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