We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
