Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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