enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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