she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
