After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
