u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
