Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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