DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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