Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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