i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
a search helicopter?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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