I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize