Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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