he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
