My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
