He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
