Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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