this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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