my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
