Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
