Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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