Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
