I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
