I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
