Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
