Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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