i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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