you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
