It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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