You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
