you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
