R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
