I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
