Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
