The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
