wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
