Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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