I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
