just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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