I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just gargled with NyQuil
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
