all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
