The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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