WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
