i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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