He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
